I’ve been sitting around thinking about writing again for a while now. I’ve been talking about writing to anyone who would listen (and undoubtedly several people who just smiled and nodded while making grocery lists in their head). It’s been a few years since I’ve put fingers to keyboard. I’m rusty and scared that I’m not any good anymore (or that I never was in the first place). But it’s time. The ideas in my head are sick of bumping into each other…plus, it’s not terrible timing as these things go.
I’m turning some pages in my metaphorical book (see what I did there? writing? metaphorical books = life? yep, I still got it) these days and rather than sit back and see how the chapter ends, I’m going to try to write it myself for a change. Or at least take control of editing the content. It’s a scary and exciting time and it’s been a long time coming. There are a lot of question marks that may or may not turn into exclamation points over time, but there’s no way to know the answers and I’m (slowly and stubbornly) learning to accept that. Time has a way of doing its thing no matter how hard you try to swim against the current. On the scale of life shake ups, this one falls somewhere between changing my nail polish and Eat, Pray, Love (though hopefully not quite so douchey and self-involved). It’s not monumental, it’s not inconsequential. But it’s amazing and I’m determined to enjoy it. All of it. The delicious bits and the sticky bits. I’m reinventing. My outlook, my understanding, my body, and my attitude.
I don’t want to linger in the past or the what-ifs; to anguish over the things I cannot undo, redo, or the people I cannot change. I want to find the good. And to let go of the negative that sometimes weighs me down. To let myself enjoy the remarkable people who have stumbled and sashayed into my life and the curious world around me and not critique myself (or others) so much. I need to learn to say yes…and no…with zero guilt or strings or if-then-maybes attached. There’s a reason the silly sunset photo-cliché life quote poster business grosses $17 trillion dollars annually [that might not be fact checked] and it’s not just so every guidance counselor in America has something to tape on their cinderblock office walls. I mean, that’s mostly why. But also because a lot of that drivel is true. I’m blessed in so many ways and I want to experience – actively and deeply experience – this beautiful crazy life.
At the risk of getting all Erma Bombecky on you right out of the gate, it’s time to wear the “fancy” underwear on a Tuesday. Don the sequin mini skirt on a week night. Eat the “I’m too lazy for healthy” take-out Chinese food off the “good” dishes (unless the good dishes can’t go in the dishwasher. ain’t nobody got time for that). Say yes to things that scare me. Fuck it. We only go around once (unless you believe in reincarnation, but in that case, there’s a solid chance you won’t come back with opposable thumbs…so might as well enjoy them now).
And write. Make time to write so I can make room in my head for more things to write. Or my grocery list. Whatever, my head is crowded. Someday is NOW! Let the past make you better, not bitter! Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first! Be the change you wish to see in the world! A bird in hand is worth two in the bush! (why, exactly? Birds freak me out.)
I’m off to plaster my bedroom with kitten posters now. Until next time…
No Comments